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Fifty-seven percent of participants reported difficulty identifying what constitutes dating violence. Photo by Alex Dolce. Dating violence — physical, sexual, psychological or emotional within a relationship, including stalking — is pervasive on college campuses with far-reaching health implications. One in five women experience a sexual assault in college and students living in sorority houses are three times more likely to experience rape.

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That goes right in line with my theory of the person I consider my equal.

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I was aware of the research that showed greater gains in gender equality at work than at home. But as the relationship progressed, the men I spoke with held persistent double standards. Not all of the heterosexual women I spoke with felt strongly about these dating rules.

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The married men I interviewed often left caregiving and housework to the women, while the husbands considered themselves breadwinners and decision makers. Americans with a college education now get married in their early 30s on average, as young adults put their love life on hold while they invest in their education and establish a career. Popular Latest.

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Men also wanted to be taller, stronger, and more masculine than their partners. But dating is a different story entirely. The women I interviewed for a research project and book expected men to ask for, plan, and pay for dates; initiate sex; confirm the exclusivity of a relationship; and propose marriage. While some liked paying for dates, feeling that the gesture was a nice way to show they cared, others were more resistant.

Why is dating in the app era such hard work?

Just as noteworthy, the LGBTQ interviewees set up the expectations of equality from the outset of dating, not after it. The men said they desired and respected these independent, high-achieving women and actually saw them as more compatible partners as a result.

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The Atlantic Crossword. Because many LGBTQ relationships do not rely on well-established ideologies, norms are often considered, questioned, and then rejected, with the aim of making space for egalitarian practices instead. Once these women were married, it was difficult to right the ship, so to speak.

‘boys will be boys’ – study explores views of college dating violence

Yet, when they thought of equality among men and women, they focused more on professional opportunities than interpersonal dynamics. The goal was greater individuality and equality, and they actively worked to balance their own needs with the needs of their partners. Most wanted equal partnerships where they could share both financial and family responsibilities. Three-quarters of Millennials in America support gender equality at work and home and agree that the ideal marriage is an equitable one.

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Heterosexual women of a progressive bent often say they want equal partnerships with men. Curious to explore some of the reasons behind these s, I spent the past several years talking with people about their dating lives and what they wanted from their marriages and partnerships.

Read: The five years that changed dating. Read: What I learned about equal-partnerships by studying dual-income couples. Just because I carry the penis does not mean that I need to buy your food for you. Almost none of my interviewees saw these dating practices as a threat to their feminist credentials or to their desire for egalitarian marriages.

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And many of the men expected women to take their last names after marriage. This approach shifted their understanding of what was possible for intimate relationships, and they, for the most part, had more equal, long-term relationships as a result.

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They wanted no part of the dating scripts they saw as connected to gender inequality. This was not a cross section of America, for certain, but I did expect to hear progressive views. When men and women endorsed these traditional gender roles early in a relationship, undoing those views in marriage was difficult.

The same gender stereotypes that they adopted while dating played out in their long-term partnerships. And yet in a throwback to an earlier era, many women I spoke with enacted strict dating rules.

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It would just be ridiculous if they were on a bended knee offering me a ring. Consequently, I expected the young women I interviewed to epitomize feminist liberation. In the process, many of the couples I spoke with incorporated the elements they felt were important to a successful relationship, emphasizing constant communication, evaluation, and negotiation. In Subscribe. Women, they said, were more attractive to men when they appeared unattainable, so women preferred for the men to follow up after a date.

This behavior fell in line with national trends. On dates, the women talked about acting demure, and allowing men to do more of the talking. Like for me to be out like this on this interview, I had to make sure there was dinner stuff for him. As American time-use surveys show, women still do about twice as much unpaid labor in the home as men.

If you want a marriage of equals, then date as equals

After setting all of those precedents, these women then wanted a marriage in which they shared the financial responsibilities, housework, and child care relatively equally. They expected women to walk a fine line between enough and too much sexual experience. But they were wrong.

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Given the ificant time, money, and effort they put into building this career, the women I spoke with expected to partner with people who would support their ambitious professional goals.